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Great Moments in Spam Email

Okay, so this isn’t baseball-related in the slightest, but occasionally I get spam email that is so wonderful that I have to share. And this is my blog. So there. Anyway, this one is from some one named Helton Lemcke in Suriname.

I started on this wretched trail?” But alas! as
this was Dol Farrar’s first adventure in American woods, it had not occurred to him to do the right thing at the right time. Had he fired a round of signal shots when first he lost the line of spotted trees, he would probably have been heard at his camp, and would have been spared the worst scare he ever had in his life. The negligence was scarcely his fault, however; for Cyrus Garst, who had never before undertaken the responsibility of entertaining a pair of inexperienced

boys in woodland quarters, had not, at this early stage of the trip,
arranged with his comrades to fire a certain number of shots to signify
“Help wanted!” if one

of them should stray, or otherwise get into trouble. The idea now
cropped up in Dol’s perplexed mind, through a confused recollection of tales about forest misadventures which Uncle Eb had told him by the cheery camp-fire. So he loaded the old shot-gun. It belched forth fire and smoke into space. And the thunder of his shot went rolling off in a reverberating din among the mountain echoes, until a hundred tongues repeated his appeal for help. Again he loaded rapidly and fired. And yet again,
with nervous, eager fingers. So on, till he had let off half a dozen shots in quick succession. Then he waited, listening as if every pulse in his body had suddenly become an ear. But when the last growling echo had died away, not a sound broke the almost absolute silence on the mountain-side. Evidently not a
soul was near enough to hear or understand his signals of distress. In these bitter minutes some sensations ran through Dol Farrar which he had never known before; and, as he afterwards expressed it, “they were enough to cover any fellow with goose-flesh.” He felt that he had reached the dreariest point of the unknown, and was a lonely, drifting atom in this immense solitude of forest and rock. Never in his life before or afterwards did he come so near to Point De

This is the entire text of the email (yes, it does begin and end in the middle of the sentence).

It just leaves too many questions! What is Point De? What is the significance of the paragraph breaks? How creepy is it for a guy named Cyrus to be entertaining boys in the woodlands?

I want to read the rest of the story. Or at least know how it ends.


Anyway, Twins go for the series win tonight. Kubel is in left field, so we’ll just hope that Blackburn keeps everything on the ground. …Oh, SLOWEY is pitching, you say? Well. This just got more interesting. Win Twins!


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