I’ve been prompted on Twitter recently (follow me at @calltothepen) to explain some of the nicknames that I have for the varying Twins players. Some are standard and used by the majority of fans, others, well, not so much. These are my nicknames, except where attributed to someone else. Direct all hate to me. For a more exhaustive version of this list, check out K-bro’s nicknames page.
Joe Mauer – Joesus (not sure if I came up with this one or I picked it up off Twitter – came from a time when I was barely conscious even when not in bed). Derivative of the long-term nickname “Baby Jesus,” which I thought was not nearly humorous enough for me. He used to be nicknamed 4-6-3, in honor of the style of GIDP he was (and occasionally still is) so prone to.
Justin Morneau – Mountie – not original, but don’t know where it came from either. My special twist? It usually appears on Twitter somewhere near the hashtag: #AllYourMapleSyrupAreBelongToUs
Jason Kubel – The Dude (from the guys over at The WGOM). Taken from the cult hit movie, The Big Lebowski. Because, well, he abides:
The resemblance is uncanny, no? Right down to the crooked v-neck.
Delmon Young – ‘elmon. My derivative of a WGOM classic, _elm_n, from 2008 and 2009, when he had neither offense nor defense. However, now that he’s lost the weight, he seems to be slowly growing a D. We’ll see how long it lasts.
Michael Cuddyer – I use several, but my favorite is Cuddly, which is a derivative of the normal “Cuddy.” I got this one from one of my undergrad classmates, who brought a sign to a game that said “I want to get Cuddly-er with Cuddyer.”
J.J. Hardy – At this point, I’ve started calling him Crede. Because he’s hurt. all. the. time.
Nick Punto - I don’t give him a nickname. He doesn’t deserve it most of the time.
Denard Span – Spantastic. Spantom of the Opera. I like them both, but don’t use them enough.
Orlando Hudson – “The” Orlando Hudson. Hudson’s normal nickname is “The O-Dog,” which I refuse to call him, because it’s a stupid and overused nickname (let’s be honest, every team has a player that is “something-Dog.”). However, he’s pretty darn good, so I let him keep his “the.”
Kevin Slowey – This is my own nickname, and it dates back to his first call-up in 2007, when he was 5-0 and then got sent down, because every number was terrible but wins. At the time, I had a long, involved joke involving shooting oneself in the foot, but I can’t remember it now. Then, in 2008, in response to an ESPN announcer using it again, I wrote this piece, which was basically a play off the fact that Slowey, even though he lacks any kind of great stuff, was utterly fearless as he hurled, unlike Scott Baker, who looked to the bullpen every time he got in trouble. Since then, he’s regressed back to the shoot-self-in-foot kind of gunslinger.
Scott Baker – Timmy (multiple sources). For two reasons. First, it’s because I thought he looked like a “Timmy.” Then, I found out his legal name is Timothy Scott Baker. Turns out I’m prescient.
Francisco Liriano – F-Bomb (multiple sources), because it works so damn well, whether he’s winning or losing.
Carl Pavano – Darn. I got nothing here. He’s just… boring. Nothing really jumps out at me.
Nick Blackburn – For a long time, I called him “Blackbeard,” like everyone else. However, I decided earlier this season that it was too obvious (and getting overused), so I changed to “Pirate Nick.”
Jose Mijares – Senor Meatball (multiple sources, personally I was introduced to it by thrylos98). Because it seems to be his job to serve them up.
Pat Neshek – Sideshow Pat (I think this was a Bat-Girl nickname originally).
Joe Nathan – Twitch. Because he’s unable to stand still for a second. Ever. Whether he’s on the mound or not.
Jon Rauch – Neck Tat. Self Evident.
Let me know if I missed anyone!
Filed under: Game Wrap